twin (single) parenting six 1/2 yr old girls

by Laurie
(Minneapolis,MN)

Hello! I'm not too sure where to start! Hmm, maybe I'll start with I have very spirited, lovely, beautiful and extremely frustrating identical twin girls. I LOVE them sooo MUCH!

I am at my wits end (for about six years now) with how to handle a variety of situations. Probably the biggest one is Discipline. How in the world do you effectively discipline Thing 1 & Thing 2? Of course they are fantastic humans, but I thought the example was accurate.

I love being a kind, considerate, loving parent. And implementing all the "right" kinds of discipline, and positive advice, I've read about, heard about on how to raise a great human being. I've been to many parenting classes including ecfe, and multiple kids clubs (more like a sororiety for preppy moms of multiples, who stay home and have time to socialize) We attend church on a regular basis and have a good church family, but people don't know what to say to me? My girls are certainly cherished by people, including myself! However recently I was being observed by my girls grandparents (usually I value their opinion) They said I was giving them negative attention!! and we are headed for professional help!! You see they don't listen to me unless I raise my voice, which isn't desirable, but like most things in life, it's a reality. These people raised two out of three very responsible children. I've been told not to be their friend, which was slightly insulting, because at work at being a GOOD Mom. I don't THINK I'm being their friend -I strive to be a nurturing Mom!! Don't get me wrong, I do give them consistent conseqeunces or praise for behavior.

They stir up the house like they did as toddlers! They don't want to grow up, I don't want to rush them, but of course I realize they need to. I give them duties and responsibilities, and depending on the day, one will cooperate more than the other. Anyway, my question is what am I doing wrong? What are some great ideas?

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Hi Laurie

Wow. First off I believe you are too hard on yourself. Being a single parent is very hard and being a single parent of twins is incredibly hard. Parenting is hard. And it sounds like you are doing a great job.

I have one spirited 6 year old girl. And she is more work and is more exhausting than my twins and older son put together. I can't imagine having two of her. I would go nuts!

I have 2 boys and 2 girls and girls are far more work because they are more emotional ( in my experience.)

All I can offer you in terms of advice is to be consistent. Always do what you say you are going to. If they are acting up in a store and you tell them to stop or you're going to leave - and they keep acting up - you better be prepared to leave. Each time you tell them what a consequence is - follow through - every single time. They will quickly learn that mommy means what she says and will respond. Many parents make the mistake of idle threats that they never follow through on. That tells the child(ren) that they are not to be believed or taken seriously. You are the mom. You are in charge. Love them - yes. Spoil them or reward them for behaving badly - never. Your job is to teach them, not to be their friend, but their role model and their cheerleader and their biggest fan. You set the rules. Pick your battles and try not to let them tag-team you as twins do!
Have rules in the house regarding respect and manners and take time for yourself when you can get it.
Parenting is the hardest job you will ever do. Sending you a big hug~
Kim