Pregnant with twins and feeling depressed

Pregnant with twins and feeling depressed

by Sarah
(Melbourne)

Hello , Well I am pregnant with twins and feel really sad about it all. I have been on the net such a lot to try and find people who are struggling with the idea of having twins , but there is nothing on this subject.
People look at me with such horror when I tell them or they think I am so lucky . I don't feel lucky, one baby at a time is enough for me.
I already have two wonderful children, my son who is just 5 and my daughter who is 2 . We were also going to stick to just two when we had this really big surprise.
All my adult life I have said to people I really would not like to have twins. I have twin sisters and twin uncles and know the complicated relationships that they can go through . I don't really understand how this could have happened to me and being a very optomistic person l am really struggling to see the light in my situation.
I am 26 weeks pregnant already and have felt like this since l found out at 13 weeks and really have felt very strongly about not having twins since l have been about 13 years old ( for 25 years ) so realise now that my feelings are true to me and are not going to change .
I am a sad pregnant lady who cannot find any support out there for my feelings.
:( I am happy for all you twin lovers out there
Sarah X

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Pregnant with twins and feeling depressed

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Jan 03, 2011
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I've been depressed too
by: Amy

Sarah, I can relate to what you are saying and it is such a relief to find this page. It is so true that others don't seem to grasp the enormity of the situation - I want to punch people who tell me they are jealous or wish they had twins. I was incredibly depressed and angry when I found out I was having twins - I felt like how I imagine it might feel to find out you are having a child with special needs. Suddenly, you are getting a situation that is much, much different than what you thought you were signing up for. It is WAY more stressful than being pregnant with one baby, and anyone who doesn't understand that is not worth talking to. Don't let anyone dismiss your feelings - they are YOURS and they are real. That doesn't mean it can't get better though - if you haven't found a therapist or spiritual adviser or someone non-judgmental to talk to yet, I strongly encourage you to do so. I have come to a place of acceptance but I'm still not thrilled and would rather be having just one. And I'm' not going to apologize for how I feel! Anyone who hasn't had twins has no idea what it's like. I will love both my babies and be the best mama I can be, but this is not what I wanted, and it is hard to deal with - those are just the facts of the situation. I really hope that you find peace of mind!

Jan 01, 2011
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Not easy
by: Anonymous

I have spoken to my midwife and consultant about my fears, and my anxiety that the twins can come early, so they are fully aware of the situation and have said until any true signs appear they can not really do any thing.
As regards some one else helping out if my husband doesn't turn around and wake up, well there is nobody else, my family all live a plane ride away and are completly useless, and hubby's family are exactly the same, it feels I have been dealt a really rough hand!!! the first person I would turn to would have been my mum, but she died from Cancer 12 years ago. I am just going to have to grit my teeth and hope for the best, just nice to know I'm not the only person out there feeling like this.
I wish every one due to have twins or with twins all the best, it seems to be a differant world xx

Jan 01, 2011
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Find someone to talk to
by: E.V.

Sarah and Nicola, I am so sorry that both of you are having such a rough time.

Sarah--you have every right to feel the way you do. If you have seen twins with difficult/complex relationships, it makes sense that you would not wish for those hardships on your children. Don't feel guilty for your feelings.

Please, though, talk things out with someone who is not judgmental. If you are not finding the support and understanding you need in those you know or online, a counselor or therapist can be a great sounding board for allowing you to express your frustrations with your situation, so that you can confidently face the realities of these two unexpected babies.

Nicola, have you shared with your ObGyn/Midwife your past experience and your fears? They may have suggestions for ways to minimize both your anxiety about a repeat bout of post partum, and offer solutions to help lift you out of it. Or, they may refer you to someone better suited to helping you. I'm sorry your husband isn't more compassionate, but depression can be very difficult to understand if you have never experienced it.

I wish you both peace of mind, and a growing sense of comfort with the twins you will have.

Dec 30, 2010
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Brave ladies!
by: Anonymous

Very brave admitting your feelings and you can see that you're not the only one out there who has anxiety about having 2 babies.

You can't change your situation it's what you decide to do about it now that counts. If your husband isn't going to support you then find somebody who will, there will be someone out there who will be able to help. Do it soon so you can enjoy these months.

Dec 26, 2010
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Feeling the same!!!!
by: Nicola - Scotland

I have to say once you start feeling depressed it is very very difficult to get out of it!!!, doesn't matter what any one says to me. I already have a beautiful 5 year old son, wouldn't change him, suffered from post natal depression with him, and my help and support was being told "YOU DON'T WANT THAT, GET A GRIP!!!". How is that supposed to help.I am so scared it will happen again, I am 30wks 4days, twin boys, no help or support again, my husband seems to think if I think postive it will pass, he has been living in cloud cuckoo land since I got pregnant. No one seems to understand what I am going through and I already resent the babies before they are born.I have tried being postive but the pregnancy has been horrendous, just hope it all changes when I see their little faces. x

Dec 20, 2010
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i feel ya!
by: Jamie G

I totally understand how you feel. My situation has some issues...crazy month...not 100% sure exactly who the babies father is...and pregnant with twins. ITS ALOT to deal with! and im sooo with you. If i was just pregnant with one i would feel ya still. But its two!!!! OMG!!! and i do agree with the other lady that its what life handed me and im dealing with it. but people cant just snap outta a depression or negative state. its common. its natural. in time things will work out b/c they always do. and all i can say is try to think about the good things... hope they are healthy. and whatever happens..happens. good luck to ya mrs lady! lol and good luck to me!!!!!!!!

Dec 13, 2010
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You take what life.....
by: Anonymous

You need to take what life hands you. And it has handed you a pregnancy with twins.

I have 2 yr old twin girls and I have to say that I was a bit scared as well and had a feeling of overwhelmingness (if thats a word, lol). It IS scary no matter how you put it. At least you know that having twins isnt easy. There are alot of women out there that tell me they want twins but have no clue on how much work it is but also how much love the twins give you!

You need to step out of the negativity and look at the positives. You are already pregnant. There is no going back. These babies need their mama and they need you to be happy and be ready for them to arrive. You will sonn have two babies that love you unconditionally and will need every ounce of mommys love to help them guide along life. Are twins alot of work? YES!! But the pros of having twins always out weight the cons.

Even though out house is filled full of kids screaming, toys all over the place, and hectic! I wouldnt imagine my life without them. I love them no matter how many gray hairs they give me. This is how my life was SUPPOSED to be and I am taking it and running with it! So please...get out of that depression and be happy that you will very soon have two precious babies that you will love and enjoy!

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